-“Yes I am engaged!”
-“Omg! so exciting!”
-“Let me see the ring!”
All your girls are so happy that they want part of your special day!
What’ s beautiful about an engagement is that it is new, fresh, exciting, full of promises, right?
Wrong…I am going to switch this a bit and point out that we have made a big mistake.
The mistake of thinking that being “engaged” only lasts until the wedding…
…After we get married, we fall into: routines, responsibilities;
or you feel you have been with that person for too long, you need a change;
or after you’ve have kids;
or you become comfortable or too tired to “engage” in your relationship?
God knows after I had kids, all my time was dedicated to them, I did NOT have time to be engaged in my relationship!
I wouldn’t make efforts to look good, wouldn’t make plans to go out on dates, and I would be plain too tired to do ANYTHING with my man.
So…yeah it sucked, but we always talked with each other, reassuring each other ALL THE TIME: patience was a big obstacle we needed to face EVERY DAY, but we made sure we talked about if we didn’t feel loved and always comforted whichever one of us felt down about anything.
And you know what….Sometimes relationships just don’t work out, and if you and your spouse tried everything, made sure you communicated with each other to try and work it out, then it’s understandable and at times, depending on the circumstances, even best to end it.
But if you say yes to be with that special someone, you are labeled as “engaged” to the eyes of others, but I feel we become prone to the excitement in the beginning and not looking at our whole future with that person.
Do we even want to be with that person, do we know who we are “engaging” our life to?
I mean you have to know your partner’s values, don’t you?
What they believe in,
If they want kids, 1 or 2 or more?
Did they have parents growing up? a role model they looked up to?
How do they act towards their parents? siblings?
…I could go on…
But get to know the person inside that body; image is one thing, words are another, and actions another other thing!
That engagement feeling has to be continuous, it has do be for real, the commitment you put into that relationship, the honesty of your feelings that you share, all the while understanding what background/culture you both came from to make a sense of why we think or do the things we do. Am I crazy? Am I making any sense?
I’ve been engaged since the day I made a vow to my boyfriend, (now husband) when I was around 18 years old. What I mean by engaged is:
There was no pastor, friends, family; just us, outside, at night, holding hands, praying, vowing to each other how we wanted to be together and to care for each other and any kids that would come along…We accepted our hearts/love for each other in transparency.
And you don’t have to chose this setting, but if you want to be with someone you should commit that you are in it all the way, not halfway, not 50/50…ALL THE WAY!
And things will happen, you will have bad days or seasons in your adventure together, but don’t worry and speak out…
If I had to count how many times I went to my husband to cry my eyes out in all 15 years being together, and he patiently listened to me say the same thing 5 different ways, and hand gesture everything in his face, he should get a medal,
and what would he do? He would just hug me at the end and say a couple of words that would wash away all my problems. In the beginning, maybe I gave him a bit of a shock with my angry fits, but he learned to know who I am and how I handle situations…
But if I can tell you one thing, I have comforted him many times too (although he never makes dramatic scenes like me), and like that, over time, we have learned from eachother how to handle/care for one another as well.
Bottom line: How engaged are you? …not just in marriage, but everything else too: a project, homework, your kids, your dinner cooking, cleaning the house, talking to a friend, going out, studying, taking care of yourself….how much work do you put into it?
Aim to Give Blessings in all your Flaws and your Beauties,
That you Love by Giving and not Receiving