You always have to remind yourself, we all struggle, we all have situations that makes us react according to our level of:
emotions, understanding or logic.
Usually we react with our emotions. and many times, it’s a long process of getting mad, assuming, judging, pointing fingers, inner blame, self-guilt…
and when someone is angry at you, remember this, maybe, just maybe, they are dealing with bigger inner issues.
We watch countless movies on finding what’s deep inside your soul, and I get it, it takes time to dissect parts of our own life, understand if things that happened when we were vulnerable, a little kid that did not know better, or a teenager that never expressed themselves because they felt they could not connect.
Did our family culture affected you as an adult growing up? Where we rejected so many times as a teen you can’t seem to open up to anyone?
We could be able to ask ourselves those questions, but what if someone we are confronting does not even realize that they are acting that way based on something that’s happened long time ago.
~ When I was young -growing up in France for the first 10 years of my life- I grew up going to school there, and let me say, I had a hard time. Really I was very soft spoken and shy and a reason is moving every year to a different town meant a different school, no time to make new friends really. So the teachers in my report cards would always say I don’t participate or speak up enough, or at all! Funny is, I am still pretty much like that but the only thing is if you get to know me, I am completely different from THAT…my point is… I have received reviews of the french calls that I take at work, making sure I do my job correctly of course, and although I had missed a few details and was given reminders, but the way they wrote my review, the words they chose, when i was reading the review was hurting me inside and all I could think of was my not-so-joyful french teachers that needed perfection at all time. You could say “shouldn’t affect you now” or “really? that’s silly”..but the truth is it did, and so many of us deal with these things that we don’t know the deeper issue to.
Now that I understand why I felt that way and I was able to say it’s all right and learn slowly how to push myself and be stronger about it.
At the end of the day, someone might throw hurtful things in your face, but think twice, they could be going through a lot of self doubts and insecurities.
If you want to get mad back, erase that thought and try something different, something to teach that person, speak to them with understanding. we are not put on this earth to bash each other. but as I tell my 3 boys, they have to support and care for each other, because they HAVE each other. my 7 year old will not know more than my 10 year old. So are we, as adults, I might have more knowledge in something that my husband might not and vice versa of course…I cook the most during the week but when it’s time for him to cook, it’s the most delicious cared for dish you ever tasted. He excels in that field.
Lift each other up
Gail Carson Levine‘s book “Writing Magic” (author of ‘Ella Enchanted’) she teaches about writing, that at least if you keep journals of your past memories, it would be like waiving to your past self:
“I used to think, that when i grew up, i’d remember what it felt like to be a child and that i’d always be able to get back to my child self.
But I can’t.
When you become a teenager, you step onto a bridge. you may already be on it. the opposite shore is adulthood. Childhood lies behind. the bridge is made of wood. as you cross, it burns behind you.”
What I take from that passage, is that it goes same if something wrong that happened or a bad habit you took on not realizing. As we grow looking back at our child self is like looking over the other side of a bridge. We can’t cross the bridge anymore but can see/remember part of that other side.
Some of us have bridges that look like the below picture, they cannot pin point what’s happened in the past. Let’s reflect on our past self, let’s break any bad habit we accumulated.